Written May 4, 2018
How do you build resiliency when circumstances always remain the same? Why do they remain the same??? Because you set it into motion to keep it that way subconsciously!! I want to make you think deeply and go to the root cause of the problem. I can give you all the information and tools in the world, but until YOU make a decision, you will be stuck on the same wheel of life that you have been rotating on. It’s easy to say “I’m tough! I am stronger than my problems.” and that may be true. What I want to show here is how over time low self-esteem will drag you down and break down any resiliency you may have had. You get to a point where stop believing in yourself and your level of tolerance rises as problems come along.
I never once considered myself to be resilient; to be honest, I actually didn’t know what the word meant until I was in recovery. Resiliency? What is that? Boundaries/Codependency? What does that mean?? I had put on this helmet (actually body armor is more like it…) in order to survive. It was the only way I knew how to live; with a protective shield pretending that I could handle anything that came my way. Well one day, that shield broke and life was able to penetrate that thick protective skin.
What happens to people who don’t believe in themselves? People who suffer from chronic low self-esteem? How we view ourselves and confidence in our strengths and abilities ultimately affects our choices and life experiences.
I want you to really think about where you stand with your self-esteem. You need to be able to tap into your deepest negative core beliefs before you can get into feeling good so you can get an idea of what you need to address.
Where are you with your self-esteem on a scale of 1-10? 1 being the lowest and 10 being super hero. Be honest. Do you feel like crap fairly regularly but put on a mask for your job, spouse and kids? Think about your actions due to your low self-esteem. What does it do to your behaviour? Do you feel obligated to do things to gain approval from family? Your boss? Friends? Spouse? Meet others expectations? What do you do to protect yourself from being hurt more or feeling even worse? What engrained behaviour do you have which pushes you to respond to stressful situations? Really think about it.
Close your eyes and remove all identity attachments such as degrees and education. Now remove any roles you play such as mother, father, wife, sister, brother etc…Recognize you are alone with yourself now as Soul. Go back to when you were young and what major event that has been imprinted on you to start carrying around this negative core belief. Something you have never told anyone before. A deep, dark feeling about yourself that you believe to be true. Now write one sentence on that piece of paper and fold it up tightly. Hard isn’t it? Taking a look at one’s deepest, darkest thoughts about how we REALLY feel about ourselves is difficult. I want you to recognize the amount of pain and hurt that is in your life at the moment. Pain/shame and undeserving guilt that we carry around with us like excess baggage can be overwhelming for some of us. We bury it so deep that we fool ourselves into believing it doesn’t exist or that it never happened. Now that you know one thing you are carrying around with you, finding a solution to get rid of it is the next step. Taking these first steps into recognizing the root problem will help you with all future steps you take. I want you to take that piece of paper, go outside and burn it. You can also rip it up into tiny pieces or shred it, but the burning of it releases it into the Universe. The fact that you figured it out, wrote it down and now will burn it, this will release you and begin to free you. It’s a painful process, but a necessary one if you really are searching for change in your life. How can you build a better tomorrow if you are carrying around yesterday’s baggage?
You cannot build a new house on a cracked foundation and expect it to remain solid. You have to rip it apart and completely build a new one so it sits strong. You are the Master & Commander of your ship, so if you want change, you have to set yourself up with the necessary tools for success to put you in the right direction through the stormy waters. How can you possibly sail through those stormy waters unscathed if you are carrying around so much extra luggage from the past? It will weigh you down and barely keep you afloat. You might be able to tread water for a while, but eventually your arms will tire and your strength will decrease. That negative core belief you have about yourself is an anchor that will keep your boat in one spot unable to go anywhere. I am talking True Spiritual Growth in every sense of the word.
Now that you have released your negative core belief, you have to replace that giant hole in your heart with something positive. It’s not a good idea to walk around exposing your vulnerability as there a thousand different vultures out there who will feel it and prey on you. Take a minute now to write a list with every positive things that define you. Simple things like “I have nice features or I have a great sense of humor, I like my eyes etc…” Write down every single thing about yourself that you like. Write out all your accomplishments, especially the minor ones such as, “I got out of bed this morning.” For some people that act alone is a major accomplishment. We are so focused on all the negative things that we do or have happened to us, that we forget the good things. What seems like a simple list can actually be difficult to write. Keep this list as a reminder of who you really are, and not the mistakes you have made in life. We all make mistakes; we have to in order to grow and learn. There is absolutely nothing wrong with mistakes, the more you make the better, because it is developing you into one heck of great human being because now you know of 100 different ways of NOT doing something. Society has it all backwards.
You will be the only person to help yourself through changes in life. Become a co-creator of change rather than go with the flow. Make those changes in life work for you. You ultimately decide and make all choices in your life, so work it in your favor. This goes with everything listed above. If you focus solely on the mistakes you have made in life, how do you expect to move forward? You have be able to look at it, study it, then change your behaviours, thought patterns and habits to begin the process of building resiliency through healthy self-esteem.
Here are a few ways to help you build resiliency:
I hope this article will have helped you in some way. Remember that it’s not who you think you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you are NOT!