The Eye of the Beholder

March 1^st, 2020

                             The Eye of the Beholder

Everything in life is a matter of perspective. No two people are 100% alike, nor is the way they view life. You can put two strangers or even two siblings in the exact same situation, and the response to the stimuli will be different. Even if it were a set of twins put in the same circumstances and given the same trials and tribulations, their response to it would be different. Knowing this, why do we forget so easily that this is so? Why do we crumble under the pressure of the expectations of others, especially our parents and loved ones? It is as if the words “Can we agree to disagree?” seem to evaporate into thin air.

I have spent my entire life trying to please every person that came across my path. The typical “People Pleaser” persona that develops from childhood abuse. I never knew how to differentiate if what I liked was real, or was it because my mother liked it therefore I liked it in order to please her and obtain her approval. I never realized until I was 30 years old that I didn’t like the clothes my mother liked. I finally began telling her that NO, I didn’t like it and whatever she liked didn’t necessarily suit me. It was a very difficult thing to do but that single action was the very step I took in finding my voice.

I believe that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, and this can only come from the inner reflection of self. If I am full of anger and hate, how could I possibly see a simple flowering weed as beautiful? How could I see the tear of a child as poignant? Where there is hate, there is no room for love. When fear rules the self, where is there room for love? However, if your heart is filled with gratitude for the simple pleasures in life such as the sunrise or drops of rain on a leaf, this enables your inner awareness to open up and see life for what it truly is. Try this when fear threatens to take over. Think about a pet or a loved one and focus on that. Fill your heart center with all the love that is inside of you for that person or pet. Re-live an event from the past that makes you smile. In that moment, recognize that there is no room for fear in your heart when love lives there. Tell yourself that you have no control over the future and its circumstances so being afraid of it doesn’t make sense. You do have control over how you choose to respond to a situation therefore choose love over fear and anger. Choose to fill your heart with gratitude of life and all the little things that make you smile. If you do this, you will win the battle. Love conquers all!

The eye of the beholder works for every situation that comes your way. You have the choice 100% of the time to respond to a situation whether it be good or bad. What choice will you make? Stop and reflect before you open your mouth. Choose your word wisely and let your actions speak for what you are unable to say. Remember that you have the power to respond at a later date and time if need be. Respect yourself and the decisions you make. Mistakes are just that…mistakes. I make at quite a few every single day but do not let myself crumble in an emotional heap because of it. Embrace the ouch and learn as much as you can from it, then move on to the next thing. Once again, the answer is in the eye of the beholder as to how you view the experience. Will you crumble in self-pity and cringe at the shame and go hide under a rock? Or, will you take a step back, re-evaluate what happened and look for an alternative solution to the mistake or problem? Your choice 100% of the time.

How do you view life? Negative or positive? All in the eye of the beholder. What you see is a reflection of what you carry on the inner. It takes a lot of self-reflection to be able to recognize our faults and try to change them. It takes courage to even begin to look and if this is where you are at, I applaud you. One of the hardest things to do in life, is to take a long, hard look at EXACTLY who we are and why it is we do the things we do. Especially the not so good parts of our lives. Shame and guilt will hold us a prisoner in our minds if we let it, altering our behaviours. Forgiveness is the key to happiness and resentment is the key to misery. Which will you choose today?

How you view your life and all that’s in it, good and bad, will ultimately determine your future. If you are able to fill it will love rather than hate then you are a step ahead of most people. This, I believe, is the secret to happiness. It’s all in the eye of the beholder!

Kathy Tuccaro