Where It All Began…

Written May 5, 2017

Three years ago, I sat on the couch reflecting just how far I had come; how far my journey had taken me since I managed to escape the hell I was living in an abusive domestic situation in 2007. 

His last words to me were: “I will take your bloodied, battered body, tie you up, put you in a truck, roll you down a hill and burn you alive you stupid, useless bitch!   We are in the Yukon…no-one will EVER find you! Do you doubt me????”   He was screaming with rage as he was strangling me at the same time.  I was losing consciousness and through the blackness that was swallowing me whole, I could see large golden stars.

Time slowed as I could see his veins popping in his temple and curiously I was wondering about the blood in my veins stopping the flow to my heart as I lay dying. Spit was flying from his mouth and I could feel hot tears flow down my cheeks, completely helpless to do anything but pray and welcome the darkness. Suddenly he released the hold on my neck and the world slowly came back to me. 

By the Grace of God, he let me go by dragging me upstairs and lock me in a room. He disabled my car, took my bankcard and left temporarily.  It was in this very moment I knew that if I did not escape NOW, I would be left for dead somewhere in the middle of the Yukon where only wild animals would know my whereabouts. 

I managed to have a friend buy me a one way ticket to Edmonton and made it to the bus with two minutes to spare. As the bus pulled away, I saw his car slowly drive by and could see him looking in.  I slid down to the bottom of the seat and thanked God for my narrow escape. Would he leave me alone this time?  He had stalked me for the last two years and always managed to find me regardless of where I went and how hard I tried to remain incognito.

Fast forward to today, ten years later. He did leave me alone, why? I have no idea.  I like to believe that God had a huge part in distracting him elsewhere.  It took me another year of trying to pretend that everything was ok; that I could function in my nursing career despite all that had happened to me.  Finally, I had reached the point of no return where I had to surrender to the fact that I needed help. Taking time off of life was by far the best thing I could have ever done for myself. It has taken me this long to finally learn to live again and not only survive. There is a huge difference between the two.

So when I sat back and reflected on all of this 3 years ago, I had a decision to make.  Now that I had gotten my life back, I had an incredible career driving the biggest truck in the world, I was happily married to an angel from heaven and had everything I could possibly want. Now what????

God gave me a second chance in life; was it to just sit here on my ten days off to watch TV and clean the house? I think not.  What can I do God to better serve you and help those that are in the same situation that I lived for most of my life?  Then I remembered the vow I took when I was living in a women’s shelter in Whitehorse, Yukon while I was still nursing at the hospital. They offered a beautiful log house with lots of food and safe environment; great!   That’s all they had. They didn’t have the help that I really needed to help me understand the deep, inner core negative self-beliefs I had about myself, thus accepting abuse and tolerating things that a healthy self-esteem simply wouldn’t. 

I attended the one class that they did have, where women from all over the Northern Yukon would come from.  It was there that as I listened to horror stories of what was going on in their lives, that I made a decision.  I made a decision right then and there that one day, when I got out the current mess I was in, I would come back.  I would come back and give then the real help they needed to change their situation. 

I didn’t know how or what would transpire, all I knew was that this wasn’t right and I would find a way to give back. What can you give a woman who is broken by life? The gift of getting her to believe in herself again is worth more to her than a gold bar is. Having a healthy self-esteem and thus making better choices is priceless! 

This is my gift to all those who are hurting and are searching for a way to get out; not just out the current mess they might find themselves in, but out of their own self-limiting beliefs that they are worthless. Every step they take towards overcoming these negative thoughts, is a step in achieving Freedom.  I will assist in every way that I can and reach out to those who are ready to listen. Are you?